Human Inhuman Records: Artists

Kermit Hell Lyman III was found on the steps of a Swedish monastery in late January 1972. Not coincidentally, this occurred about nine months after legendary British phsych-rockers Hawkwind had passed through. During his childhood, the young Kermit was educated in the arts of Beer brewing and classical guitar by the monks. Even though he appreciated the care and support given to him by the well- meaning brothers, he just couldn't hang with the whole religion thing. At the age of 12, a chance to break away from this simple, yet puritanical existence made itself available when the monastery was raided by the Scandinavian Mafia. Given the chance to join them or die, Kermit quickly proved his newfound allegiance by setting flame to his childhood home and dining on the burnt flesh of those who had raised him with his new cohorts.

He was quickly whisked away to the Oslo underground where he learned to subsist on Whiskey and Cocaine, giving up the classical music on which he was raised for Motorhead and Johnny Cash. At the age of 16, he began to earn his keep with the mob by running Hash and Opium all over Northern Europe until, during a botched transaction, he was taken hostage by Sicilian Vikings and forced to live on a steady diet of LSD and Snuff Porn. At the age of 18, the Vikings set him free, he was released into the world to fend for himself.


Drawing on the skills he learned throughout his childhood and adolescence, he played in a series of stupid fucking noise bands, including Wally and Thee Nazi Bloodfuck Dolls (Who Eat Shit), which brought no profits, only negative notoriety. At the age of 27, a revelation came to our hero. You don't have to share the wealth if you're a solo act. Now, Kermit Hell is waist deep in hot chicks and cold hard cash, after years of touring Europe, Asia, Africa and South America. Now his legacy is available to you, the listening public with his 15 song opus, Evil I. So give it a listen, and make Kermit Hell Lyman III your rock 'n roll god, 'cos he fucking deserves it. KILL WHITEY.


-Cocaine Jones, 03/03/03